I started song.land podcast one year ago on October 8, 2018. I share a special episode tonight to commemorate the anniversary occasion.
As usual, it’s filled with passionate songs that might be hard to follow but are full of emotion. Enjoy the interpretation if you can make it work, and enjoy the trance if it takes you there!
At 18 minutes, I sing a song from the perspective of a tuna fish who’s son was taken. Tuna fish can live up to 30 years, and they are fished constantly. It’s inspired by The sea is running out of fish, despite nations’ pledges to stop it by Todd Woody in National Geographic.
In that same song, I also tie living as a fish to living in the financial inequality based off this opinion piece in the New York Times by David Leonhardt: The Rich Really Do Pay Lower Taxes Than You.
I’m proud to have one year of this podcast done. At no point have I even tried to make this a marketable podcast, so thank you for all who have put up with its many rough edges.
My goals for the coming year with song.land:
Perform song.land in front of people at least three times by summer 2020.
Test ways to play this with other band members by spring 2020.
Have a regular intro for the podcast by fall 2020.
Today’s song.land reveals more of the raw pain of life: bruised bones, broken friendships, and a deep underlying longing for the day when relationships are restored.
Notes
Ribs and Joshua—my friend, Joshua, hugged me so hard after our work meetup in Orlando, Florida, last week that I have a bruised rib. It really hurts.
Taylor—I roomed near Taylor in college. He had a brief band called Brown Hall Symphony in Knoxville, TN. Google can’t find their top hits, so I can’t link them right now. I was ever-inspired.
Miss Tennessee—Catie. I have had the deep pleasure of having played music and grown from Miss Tennessee’s father. He taught me some fundamental truths about music: it’s possible to play skillful music and have a lot of fun at the same time, it just takes practice to learn the boring parts. I will remember Richard fondly forevermore.
Sound of Settling—a song by Death Cab for Cutie. This song has had an articulate influence in my life over the past 15 years. My version has zero Stratocasters, but one Taylor acoustic guitar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pphrk6wE5aw Thank you, Ben Gibbard.
My friend, Caroline, once said I played the best guitar she’d heard. It meant so much to me. I know it’s not the best out there, yet I am encouraged forevermore.
It’s been a hard week for me Has it been for you? My rib got crushed And it feels so hard to breathe, to breathe How does that happen?
Thank you, Joshua Thanks for nothin’ Now when I lay down I feel every convulsion of my chest
It rips me open It rips me open
Oh, and I wish I had no pain in my life Oh, how I wish
1:45
You brew your drinks Strapped in mystery How interesting every moment with you is to me And I wish I knew all of your stories And I wish I knew all of your stories
‘Cause our life has so many uncertainties And unfortunate developments Even the good ones cause changes Oh, to what we assumed we’d all have
So we ride on the waves of shame
But don’t let that get in your way Don’t let that
3:50
So, next time you feel pain, just know We’re all suffering And how can you ease the pain? And your brother and your sister, and let it go?
Wash it out like the ocean? Set it out to sea?
And let it roll Let it roll with the tide
4:40
Like in my dormitory, singin’ songs Oh, Taylor, where did that go? You meant so much to me
Life has so many unexpected twists But it’s all part of how we get from A to B We’re not computer, we’re not rockets Flying in straight lines We zig zag, and go back and forth, and question and wonder, oh, wonder
6:00
[dialogue]
I’ve got a hunger Twisting my stomach into knots That my tongue has tied off
My brain’s repeating “If you’ve got an impulse, let it out” But they’ll never make it past my mouth
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
7:30
Our youth is fleeting Old age is just around the bend And I can’t wait to go gray
I’ll sit and wonder Of every love that could have been If I’d only thought of something charming to say
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
Don’t let it go there When we have rolled to the end Where will we find to the next stop?
And you sit watching off your front porch What could you do if you hadn’t just left? With every moment, every hour, every hour And every possibility in your heart?
Where could you ever have gone If you, if you, if you, if you, if you only had left?
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling?
I lived for 45 years Everywhere I went it was the same Never driving, never knowing Where I could go if I could just look behind me
Who are we to be reflective? Who are we to look behind? And see who we were when we were little lads playing in the yard?
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
Oh, my first love Tumblecows coming down the mountains Oh, they fulfilled us
Sitting in that van for hours and hours we laughed It meant so much to me, I will never forget
And sitting under fireworks years later How the fast-forward button moves us far along You said you had to go It was in the fireworks in the sky
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
Late in the night All my ways have fallen apart They left, they left me for dead I had no other options instead
I went driving and walking for hours To ask the deepest questions of my heart Who do I want to be?
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
Flash forward Who are you in 10 years? A voice has passed through you
To say you’ve failed To say you’ve got no future left Oh, but you do, oh but you do
No matter where you are today your future self will thank you For sticking around and pushing through the hard times
Because we never know what’s coming up Oh, we never know what’s coming up
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
I’ve got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots
14:15
One million times I’ve sung the same song Bleed the same old chords But my heart still has a new verse that you haven’t heard
Oh, sing with the music Oh, sing with the tears ‘Cause life will let you down So many, so many times
And I hold onto you, onto love And I hold onto you, onto love And I hold onto you, onto love And I hold onto you, onto love
Like cherishing each moment that I love
15:50
In these lonely moments I stand In these cold days, melting, ice stands
We have unknown futures, unknown We have some many possibilities I could be red, or blue, or green Just choose, just choose Just choose, just choose
In the world of Lego bricks and sweet romance novels I don’t know what is coming But in the world of Greek tragedies Oh, hope seems but lost, seems but lost Oh, hope seems but lost, seems but lost
Hold on, just a little bit longer Through the hardest times Don’t let go Your future self, your future self Your future self, your future self Shall thank you
Your future self, your future self Your future self shall thank you
Your future self, your future self Your future self shall thank you
Your future self, your future self Your future self
Oh, in your dreams Your future self Oh, in your dreams
18:40
Unknown future Oh, Miss Tennessee I remember singing with you thinking that we could be
Something wonderful You were wonderful to me
And sorrow strikes us all in different ways I can’t compare to yours I can’t compare to yours
But your smile and your heart Seemed bright white Like a virgin Michigan snow The only tracks I see are deer And you are dear to me And you are dear to me
20:10
I have losses in my life But I hold on Please hold on
Please hold on, too
21:45
She said to me You play the best guitar that I’ve ever seen
I could never believe you I hold you so dear and near to my heart
That the loss of your That the loss of your presence That the loss of your
Let it go, let it go Move beyond
Let it go, let it go Pick beyond
In the end we find hope Even when there’s none today ‘Cause we have this very moment
I move my fingers to make a chord That connects with my soul And we are one And we are one And we are one And like I dreamed And like I dreamed And like I dreamed
We are one We are one We are one We are one
24:40
So let it go All your regrets and all your mistakes Don’t let them hold you back They make us stronger Into who we can be Into who we might be Into our full possibilties
Into you Into me
Into our full possibilities
25:30
I could keep practicing I’ve gotten rusty in so many ways In my love In my love
Fading into the background
And in my own ways I see you love me Where I hold on you are strong Where I can find you
Just being here with me tonight We will find all our ways Never to leave, something serene We have all our ways
Whoa, whoa Whoa Whoa, we have all our ways We have all our ways We have all our ways
I want to see your body move In the ways of the ocean Pulled by the moon Back to where we began
song.land—began
We venture into another song.land, a meaningless meandering through my verbose thoughts set to improvisational music.
If you listen, thank you! If not, spend the 20 minutes you would listening to this in a healthy way—let a plant grow, reassure someone of your love for them because you matter and they matter, too, and/or eat an apple and consume the seeds for their healthy bacteria.
Transcript
Falling So far from The place you call your home
Nearly Find a mystery You do know your own
Someone Never Let it go for you
Someone Never Have what you did need
They were not there with you Finding all the things wrong with you And they were not there with you Finding all, finding all
2:30
But their solace came on trains from the south In distorted perspectives
When I thought that reality was a construct of their heart
You and I Know better now We know better now We know better now
You and me We know better now We know better now
I want to see your body move In the ways of the ocean Pulled by the moon Back to where we began Where we began
Pulled by the moon Into the sea Where we began Where we began
Ooh, where we began Where we began
Repeats
And life calls to you from higher places
Don’t let it all go to waste Don’t let it all go to waste
6:00
‘Cause when we fall apart We fall so hard
Don’t let your self-sabotage lead you astray What do you want?
7:30
What do you want? What do you want?
In your life, in love In all relationships What do you want?
In my loneliness I seek to be found out
And in my loneliness I need to be found out I need to be found out I need to be found out
9:30
And life was all, falling all to pieces The light was so much more If you could look beyond a day’s pain What can you be grateful for? In the midst of so much pain?
What can you be grateful for In the midst of so much pain?
11:10
Riptides pull us down into the darkness of the water And of the night I can’t see anything
Riptides pull me down into the water Into the sea
I see the jellyfish flapping toward me
Oh my life, what are you leaving me with now? Me with now?
12:10
I sing a song with chords And love is lost
Oh
13:45
I sing this song to you so that you can see that love has something left to give Even if it’s temporary The short-term admonition to your soul
I’m all on fire for you I’m all on fire for you I’m all on fire for you
16:00
I know the basket of pears that you left at my doorstep Guide me on
Like Greek mythology Is there some chase that I must find out?
Like all the fears I felt All the years I felt I’ll find out
Like you with your shirt tucked in Walking around again You are so unbelievable
I can’t believe that fate has brought us here It’s hard to see how it’s all so clear
Can I impress with my skills Like a peacock searching for Validation? Oh, what a search it has raught
One, four, five six (this is wrong) Six, four, one, five (this is right)
18:55
And I know life is all you need Never looking beyond the seas Where you planted all that you gave
We have something special When we met together Talking and walking and sharing each other And knowing and looking and finding and seeing
And all I gave up was substantial to me And all I gave up was substantial to me
Shame—what’s the solution to such a universal emotion? This song.land explores the feelings and ideas of shame and its cure, showing up in vulnerability.
Grab a cup of coffee and share with me while we explore.
I changed guitar strings before recording and the room was very humid. The strings sound more jangly than I’d like.
Enjoy listening to this short episode about the future, about how evolution moves us forward even as people today, and as always, how love is a way of life that must wash over us.
stay out of the sun (the originally published name) is an episode of song.land where we discuss pressing into the uncomfortable, painful parts of our lives.
Except the sun. Don’t pick a fight with the sun. You will lose.
Transcript
Welcome to song.land
It is the afternoon
Which is usually the time when I feel so tired
Get the afternoon laziness in me
Not at at song.land
If you want to go to places you’ve not yet seen
Then you have to risk things that you do know
How do we control the world?
Around us? Oh
Oh, life
You are so hard to understand
Some moments, it
Doesn’t make any sense at all
Like how we just open endlessly
What’s the value of our days?
2:00
Well, I can say a lot of answers, like:
Make money or
Have power or
Have influence or might
Or just struggle until I can be some form of happy
That I find in my heart
Or I can pursue the pleasures of a power greater than myself
A cause, God, a lifestyle, it’s
Oh, so varied
But still I often end the day feeling lonely
And still I often end the day feeling discontented and sad
So somewhere
There is a deeper way
To align ourselves with this planet that spin around on
Every single minute of every day
And all the revolutions go and go and go and go and go
But something special’s going to come out of it
And I think a part of it is finding the heart of it
Finding your soul
And singing a song about it
song.land
Welcome here with me
song.land
Welcome here with me
Welcome here with me
5:00
INTRO
6:00
What do you need in your life
Where the pieces fall?
What do you need in your nights
Where do your pieces fall?
For me, it’s always something different
But usually it has to be with how much sleep I got and how I’m connecting to people
So what do you need in your life?
What do you need in your life?
I hold up a world different than mine
I observe a perspective different than mine
How do I do that?
Well, it’s not always clear
Looking out my windows, I see a tree
But I can never, ever look out your windows
I can guess, I can ask, and I can listen to you describe
But in humility
The truth is I can never understand you
‘Cause you are you are, and our consciousness is different
So, talking and listening
Seems easy and it seems universal
But it is not
It is not
It is not
8:20
I still interrupt
I still speak over
I still asked closed questions that have my preferred answered in the way I ask it
I’m not letting you decide for yourself
And I am someone that watches out for that
I try to watch and observe and improve
But even I mess up all the time
All the time
All the time
All the time
And I don’t listen to you
Not in the way I could if I were perfect
But I am not
You aren’t either
And I hear what you say
And I try to see it in your way
But I understand my view will always be cloudy
Even when we feel so magically connected
After talking for a very long time
9:45
When you or I are frustrated
What do you do?
How do you express it?
Where do you take it to?
I hope we have healthy ways
I hope you have healthy ways
It’s all that the powers of the world
Want to work out of
Human relationships
‘Cause productivity drops in all the measurements we seem to care about
Go down when we do the most important things in all our lives
Truly, it’s vital
It’s no waste
It’s like a business looking out for the next three months instead of the next 10 years
So listen to your way of communicating and try to make it better
What did the person before the person before the person started talking,
What did they say?
What did they contribute?
What did they add to the circle?
The volleys of conversation
11:50
It’s gotta be 95 degrees up in this attic today
This is an unsustainable place to record my music
I came up only at the beginning of this podcast
I’m sweating now in ways I wouldn’t care to show you
I am wearing deoderant
That’s ok, that’s ok
We all need to sweat
To build you heart muscles and your soul muscles and your arteries
The sweating’s not the issue
What it is is that I realize I have a low threshhold for discomfort
So many things in my life are marketed to me to make life easier
But that’s not what I really need
The sweating is fine
The work makes us better
Creativity splashes out of your need
So stay a little uncomfortable
Uncomfortable
14:49
Heat stroke
Heat stroke
Stay out of the summer sun
Heat stroke
Heat stroke
Stay out of the summer sun
Don’t let life get the best
Don’t let life overcome you
Be smart, be wise, and be shrewd
Be as kind as a dove
And as cunning as a snake
Stay out, stay out of the sun
If it’s killing you
But don’t run away from those uncomfortable places in your life
Wait patiently
See how you grow
How you change
‘Cause I know I don’t change when I’m comfortable
And I know I’m not learning new things unless I’m just a little bit desperate
I don’t reach out for help
Unless I really really really really need it in socially acceptable ways
That’s rediculous
But we still have to play the social construct game
So what do we do, what do we do?
That’s where you’re shrewd as snakes and as wise and kind as a dove
Flying through the sky
Looking like an angel
Oh, but I can slither on the ground and hunt
When I’m hungry
So stay hungry, and curious
And out of the sun
Out of the sun
17:30
‘Cause life is all I have
I need to protect
I need to give it all the time to raise me into a new kind of person
Let pain guide me
To become whole
And stay out of the sun
18:00
All I need is something that is out of reach
And all I need is the sun to warm me
To guide my way
And to set my days
And to let me know
Even if today is bad
Tomorrow will rise again
Stronger, stronger, stronger, stronger
Than today, oh, ’cause I have learned so much
From the pain in my life
Oh, it hurts, oh it hurts
And I change and I grow from the awful things that
I would not wish on anyone else
But it makes me whole
But it makes me whole
You have no idea your life is shaped by the terrible
Oh, it hurts so much
You are strong, and better
And glorious
‘Cause love
‘Cause love
‘Cause love is the song that remains when pain is a part of us
20:00
Learn and grow, my friends
Learn and grow, my friends
Learn and grow, my friends
And stay out of the sun
Stay out, everyone
Stay out of the sun
Stay out of the sun
21:30
I resonate good
So you can sing
Singing these songs everyday
It’s song.land
song.land
song.land
song.land explores the gift that constant improvement offers our lives, whether from internal motivation or external motivation, whether something we do on our own or something done by energy + natural selection.
May you find hope in growing the parts of you that you feel ashamed of, afraid to share with others. It is in that sharing that you and I will find wholeness.
