This week’s song.land meanders through the relationship between loss and gratitude. When life “…falls like dominos coming down the mountain” we can still turn to gratitude to find comfort and a brighter future.
Recorded this on the evening of Tuesday, September 12, 2019.
References
I reference zombies toward the end of the recording. I was inspired by the history of zombies, whose story begins in Haiti.
I then mention the sugar fields and “all our greed”. Sugar was the primary crop that cost the lives of so many people for the people of the island. The current dark truth is that it continues in our current day history. I use the A Sweet Deal episode from the Rotten Netflix series as my source of understanding this.
Salamanders compares fear with nature. When I feel afraid, I want to hide myself, that it can somehow protect me. It won’t, though, and we can look to evolution to answer why: why do bees exist? Why do so many salamanders live in the Smokies? They survived when it was time to change.
So can you, and so can I.
When I would go rock hopping Climbing over boulders larger than a house
Oh, time has worn them down But they still stand strong
That’s how I want to be Even for my few years on this earth
Two sections of today’s podcast use the ukulele. I’m happy with the songs that came out of the time with the instrument, yet the quality of this ukulele is very low and the mics I have on it are also of low quality. The intonation sounds awful. My ears tire of hearing it, so I broke up two ukulele sections with a guitar section in the middle.
That’s also why I sing about leaving a review in the middle of the episode instead of the end. That wasn’t intended when I recorded it.
References
“I cannot find our hope”—I was thinking of the content of Mark Manson’s latest book, which taught me that not having hope is not inherently a bad thing. Things can still be good without predicting what the future will bring, but instead accepting it as it comes.
This episode of song.land stays on a reflective tone, focusing on the role of creativity and expressing yourself to find fullness. It stays in the key of C for a majority of the time. The chords go from an C#m to F#m for the majority of the middle as I ramble on frustrations that stand in the way of love.
I love you. Enjoy this week’s song.land.
“Stop listening to those messages telling you how to feel. You’ve got to figure it out yourself.”
I started song.land podcast one year ago on October 8, 2018. I share a special episode tonight to commemorate the anniversary occasion.
As usual, it’s filled with passionate songs that might be hard to follow but are full of emotion. Enjoy the interpretation if you can make it work, and enjoy the trance if it takes you there!
At 18 minutes, I sing a song from the perspective of a tuna fish who’s son was taken. Tuna fish can live up to 30 years, and they are fished constantly. It’s inspired by The sea is running out of fish, despite nations’ pledges to stop it by Todd Woody in National Geographic.
In that same song, I also tie living as a fish to living in the financial inequality based off this opinion piece in the New York Times by David Leonhardt: The Rich Really Do Pay Lower Taxes Than You.
I’m proud to have one year of this podcast done. At no point have I even tried to make this a marketable podcast, so thank you for all who have put up with its many rough edges.
My goals for the coming year with song.land:
Perform song.land in front of people at least three times by summer 2020.
Test ways to play this with other band members by spring 2020.
Have a regular intro for the podcast by fall 2020.
Today’s song.land reveals more of the raw pain of life: bruised bones, broken friendships, and a deep underlying longing for the day when relationships are restored.
Notes
Ribs and Joshua—my friend, Joshua, hugged me so hard after our work meetup in Orlando, Florida, last week that I have a bruised rib. It really hurts.
Taylor—I roomed near Taylor in college. He had a brief band called Brown Hall Symphony in Knoxville, TN. Google can’t find their top hits, so I can’t link them right now. I was ever-inspired.
Miss Tennessee—Catie. I have had the deep pleasure of having played music and grown from Miss Tennessee’s father. He taught me some fundamental truths about music: it’s possible to play skillful music and have a lot of fun at the same time, it just takes practice to learn the boring parts. I will remember Richard fondly forevermore.
Sound of Settling—a song by Death Cab for Cutie. This song has had an articulate influence in my life over the past 15 years. My version has zero Stratocasters, but one Taylor acoustic guitar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pphrk6wE5aw Thank you, Ben Gibbard.
My friend, Caroline, once said I played the best guitar she’d heard. It meant so much to me. I know it’s not the best out there, yet I am encouraged forevermore.
It’s been a hard week for me Has it been for you? My rib got crushed And it feels so hard to breathe, to breathe How does that happen?
Thank you, Joshua Thanks for nothin’ Now when I lay down I feel every convulsion of my chest
It rips me open It rips me open
Oh, and I wish I had no pain in my life Oh, how I wish
1:45
You brew your drinks Strapped in mystery How interesting every moment with you is to me And I wish I knew all of your stories And I wish I knew all of your stories
‘Cause our life has so many uncertainties And unfortunate developments Even the good ones cause changes Oh, to what we assumed we’d all have
So we ride on the waves of shame
But don’t let that get in your way Don’t let that
3:50
So, next time you feel pain, just know We’re all suffering And how can you ease the pain? And your brother and your sister, and let it go?
Wash it out like the ocean? Set it out to sea?
And let it roll Let it roll with the tide
4:40
Like in my dormitory, singin’ songs Oh, Taylor, where did that go? You meant so much to me
Life has so many unexpected twists But it’s all part of how we get from A to B We’re not computer, we’re not rockets Flying in straight lines We zig zag, and go back and forth, and question and wonder, oh, wonder
6:00
[dialogue]
I’ve got a hunger Twisting my stomach into knots That my tongue has tied off
My brain’s repeating “If you’ve got an impulse, let it out” But they’ll never make it past my mouth
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
7:30
Our youth is fleeting Old age is just around the bend And I can’t wait to go gray
I’ll sit and wonder Of every love that could have been If I’d only thought of something charming to say
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
Don’t let it go there When we have rolled to the end Where will we find to the next stop?
And you sit watching off your front porch What could you do if you hadn’t just left? With every moment, every hour, every hour And every possibility in your heart?
Where could you ever have gone If you, if you, if you, if you, if you only had left?
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling?
I lived for 45 years Everywhere I went it was the same Never driving, never knowing Where I could go if I could just look behind me
Who are we to be reflective? Who are we to look behind? And see who we were when we were little lads playing in the yard?
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
Oh, my first love Tumblecows coming down the mountains Oh, they fulfilled us
Sitting in that van for hours and hours we laughed It meant so much to me, I will never forget
And sitting under fireworks years later How the fast-forward button moves us far along You said you had to go It was in the fireworks in the sky
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
Late in the night All my ways have fallen apart They left, they left me for dead I had no other options instead
I went driving and walking for hours To ask the deepest questions of my heart Who do I want to be?
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
Flash forward Who are you in 10 years? A voice has passed through you
To say you’ve failed To say you’ve got no future left Oh, but you do, oh but you do
No matter where you are today your future self will thank you For sticking around and pushing through the hard times
Because we never know what’s coming up Oh, we never know what’s coming up
Ba pa, this is the sound of settling
I’ve got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots
14:15
One million times I’ve sung the same song Bleed the same old chords But my heart still has a new verse that you haven’t heard
Oh, sing with the music Oh, sing with the tears ‘Cause life will let you down So many, so many times
And I hold onto you, onto love And I hold onto you, onto love And I hold onto you, onto love And I hold onto you, onto love
Like cherishing each moment that I love
15:50
In these lonely moments I stand In these cold days, melting, ice stands
We have unknown futures, unknown We have some many possibilities I could be red, or blue, or green Just choose, just choose Just choose, just choose
In the world of Lego bricks and sweet romance novels I don’t know what is coming But in the world of Greek tragedies Oh, hope seems but lost, seems but lost Oh, hope seems but lost, seems but lost
Hold on, just a little bit longer Through the hardest times Don’t let go Your future self, your future self Your future self, your future self Shall thank you
Your future self, your future self Your future self shall thank you
Your future self, your future self Your future self shall thank you
Your future self, your future self Your future self
Oh, in your dreams Your future self Oh, in your dreams
18:40
Unknown future Oh, Miss Tennessee I remember singing with you thinking that we could be
Something wonderful You were wonderful to me
And sorrow strikes us all in different ways I can’t compare to yours I can’t compare to yours
But your smile and your heart Seemed bright white Like a virgin Michigan snow The only tracks I see are deer And you are dear to me And you are dear to me
20:10
I have losses in my life But I hold on Please hold on
Please hold on, too
21:45
She said to me You play the best guitar that I’ve ever seen
I could never believe you I hold you so dear and near to my heart
That the loss of your That the loss of your presence That the loss of your
Let it go, let it go Move beyond
Let it go, let it go Pick beyond
In the end we find hope Even when there’s none today ‘Cause we have this very moment
I move my fingers to make a chord That connects with my soul And we are one And we are one And we are one And like I dreamed And like I dreamed And like I dreamed
We are one We are one We are one We are one
24:40
So let it go All your regrets and all your mistakes Don’t let them hold you back They make us stronger Into who we can be Into who we might be Into our full possibilties
Into you Into me
Into our full possibilities
25:30
I could keep practicing I’ve gotten rusty in so many ways In my love In my love
Fading into the background
And in my own ways I see you love me Where I hold on you are strong Where I can find you
Just being here with me tonight We will find all our ways Never to leave, something serene We have all our ways
Whoa, whoa Whoa Whoa, we have all our ways We have all our ways We have all our ways
I want to see your body move In the ways of the ocean Pulled by the moon Back to where we began
song.land—began
We venture into another song.land, a meaningless meandering through my verbose thoughts set to improvisational music.
If you listen, thank you! If not, spend the 20 minutes you would listening to this in a healthy way—let a plant grow, reassure someone of your love for them because you matter and they matter, too, and/or eat an apple and consume the seeds for their healthy bacteria.
Transcript
Falling So far from The place you call your home
Nearly Find a mystery You do know your own
Someone Never Let it go for you
Someone Never Have what you did need
They were not there with you Finding all the things wrong with you And they were not there with you Finding all, finding all
2:30
But their solace came on trains from the south In distorted perspectives
When I thought that reality was a construct of their heart
You and I Know better now We know better now We know better now
You and me We know better now We know better now
I want to see your body move In the ways of the ocean Pulled by the moon Back to where we began Where we began
Pulled by the moon Into the sea Where we began Where we began
Ooh, where we began Where we began
Repeats
And life calls to you from higher places
Don’t let it all go to waste Don’t let it all go to waste
6:00
‘Cause when we fall apart We fall so hard
Don’t let your self-sabotage lead you astray What do you want?
7:30
What do you want? What do you want?
In your life, in love In all relationships What do you want?
In my loneliness I seek to be found out
And in my loneliness I need to be found out I need to be found out I need to be found out
9:30
And life was all, falling all to pieces The light was so much more If you could look beyond a day’s pain What can you be grateful for? In the midst of so much pain?
What can you be grateful for In the midst of so much pain?
11:10
Riptides pull us down into the darkness of the water And of the night I can’t see anything
Riptides pull me down into the water Into the sea
I see the jellyfish flapping toward me
Oh my life, what are you leaving me with now? Me with now?
12:10
I sing a song with chords And love is lost
Oh
13:45
I sing this song to you so that you can see that love has something left to give Even if it’s temporary The short-term admonition to your soul
I’m all on fire for you I’m all on fire for you I’m all on fire for you
16:00
I know the basket of pears that you left at my doorstep Guide me on
Like Greek mythology Is there some chase that I must find out?
Like all the fears I felt All the years I felt I’ll find out
Like you with your shirt tucked in Walking around again You are so unbelievable
I can’t believe that fate has brought us here It’s hard to see how it’s all so clear
Can I impress with my skills Like a peacock searching for Validation? Oh, what a search it has raught
One, four, five six (this is wrong) Six, four, one, five (this is right)
18:55
And I know life is all you need Never looking beyond the seas Where you planted all that you gave
We have something special When we met together Talking and walking and sharing each other And knowing and looking and finding and seeing
And all I gave up was substantial to me And all I gave up was substantial to me
