settling

song.land—settling

Today’s song.land reveals more of the raw pain of life: bruised bones, broken friendships, and a deep underlying longing for the day when relationships are restored.

Notes

  • Ribs and Joshua—my friend, Joshua, hugged me so hard after our work meetup in Orlando, Florida, last week that I have a bruised rib. It really hurts.
  • Taylor—I roomed near Taylor in college. He had a brief band called Brown Hall Symphony in Knoxville, TN. Google can’t find their top hits, so I can’t link them right now. I was ever-inspired.
  • Miss Tennessee—Catie. I have had the deep pleasure of having played music and grown from Miss Tennessee’s father. He taught me some fundamental truths about music: it’s possible to play skillful music and have a lot of fun at the same time, it just takes practice to learn the boring parts. I will remember Richard fondly forevermore.
  • Sound of Settling—a song by Death Cab for Cutie. This song has had an articulate influence in my life over the past 15 years. My version has zero Stratocasters, but one Taylor acoustic guitar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pphrk6wE5aw Thank you, Ben Gibbard.
  • My friend, Caroline, once said I played the best guitar she’d heard. It meant so much to me. I know it’s not the best out there, yet I am encouraged forevermore.
  • The idea of reflecting on one’s future self comes from a podcast episode of On Being: remember your future self.

Transcript

It’s been a hard week for me
Has it been for you?
My rib got crushed
And it feels so hard to breathe, to breathe
How does that happen?

Thank you, Joshua
Thanks for nothin’
Now when I lay down
I feel every convulsion of my chest

It rips me open
It rips me open

Oh, and I wish I had no pain in my life
Oh, how I wish

1:45

You brew your drinks
Strapped in mystery
How interesting every moment with you is to me
And I wish I knew all of your stories
And I wish I knew all of your stories

‘Cause our life has so many uncertainties
And unfortunate developments
Even the good ones cause changes
Oh, to what we assumed we’d all have

So we ride on the waves of shame

But don’t let that get in your way
Don’t let that

3:50

So, next time you feel pain, just know
We’re all suffering
And how can you ease the pain?
And your brother and your sister, and let it go?

Wash it out like the ocean?
Set it out to sea?

And let it roll
Let it roll with the tide

4:40

Like in my dormitory, singin’ songs
Oh, Taylor, where did that go?
You meant so much to me

Life has so many unexpected twists
But it’s all part of how we get from A to B
We’re not computer, we’re not rockets
Flying in straight lines
We zig zag, and go back and forth, and question and wonder, oh, wonder

6:00

[dialogue]

I’ve got a hunger
Twisting my stomach into knots
That my tongue has tied off

My brain’s repeating
“If you’ve got an impulse, let it out”
But they’ll never make it past my mouth

Ba pa, this is the sound of settling

7:30

Our youth is fleeting
Old age is just around the bend
And I can’t wait to go gray

I’ll sit and wonder
Of every love that could have been
If I’d only thought of something charming to say

Ba pa, this is the sound of settling

Don’t let it go there
When we have rolled to the end
Where will we find to the next stop?

And you sit watching off your front porch
What could you do if you hadn’t just left?
With every moment, every hour, every hour
And every possibility in your heart?

Where could you ever have gone
If you, if you, if you, if you, if you only had left?

Ba pa, this is the sound of settling?

I lived for 45 years
Everywhere I went it was the same
Never driving, never knowing
Where I could go if I could just look behind me

Who are we to be reflective?
Who are we to look behind?
And see who we were when we were little lads playing in the yard?

Ba pa, this is the sound of settling

Oh, my first love
Tumblecows coming down the mountains
Oh, they fulfilled us

Sitting in that van for hours and hours we laughed
It meant so much to me, I will never forget

And sitting under fireworks years later
How the fast-forward button moves us far along
You said you had to go
It was in the fireworks in the sky

Ba pa, this is the sound of settling

Late in the night
All my ways have fallen apart
They left, they left me for dead
I had no other options instead

I went driving and walking for hours
To ask the deepest questions of my heart
Who do I want to be?

Ba pa, this is the sound of settling

Flash forward
Who are you in 10 years?
A voice has passed through you

To say you’ve failed
To say you’ve got no future left
Oh, but you do, oh but you do

No matter where you are today your future self will thank you
For sticking around and pushing through the hard times

Because we never know what’s coming up
Oh, we never know what’s coming up

Ba pa, this is the sound of settling

I’ve got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots

14:15

One million times I’ve sung the same song
Bleed the same old chords
But my heart still has a new verse that you haven’t heard

Oh, sing with the music
Oh, sing with the tears
‘Cause life will let you down
So many, so many times

And I hold onto you, onto love
And I hold onto you, onto love
And I hold onto you, onto love
And I hold onto you, onto love

Like cherishing each moment that I love

15:50

In these lonely moments I stand
In these cold days, melting, ice stands

We have unknown futures, unknown
We have some many possibilities
I could be red, or blue, or green
Just choose, just choose
Just choose, just choose

In the world of Lego bricks and sweet romance novels
I don’t know what is coming
But in the world of Greek tragedies
Oh, hope seems but lost, seems but lost
Oh, hope seems but lost, seems but lost

Hold on, just a little bit longer
Through the hardest times
Don’t let go
Your future self, your future self
Your future self, your future self
Shall thank you

Your future self, your future self
Your future self shall thank you

Your future self, your future self
Your future self shall thank you

Your future self, your future self
Your future self

Oh, in your dreams
Your future self
Oh, in your dreams

18:40

Unknown future
Oh, Miss Tennessee
I remember singing with you thinking that we could be

Something wonderful
You were wonderful to me

And sorrow strikes us all in different ways
I can’t compare to yours
I can’t compare to yours

But your smile and your heart
Seemed bright white
Like a virgin Michigan snow
The only tracks I see are deer
And you are dear to me
And you are dear to me

20:10

I have losses in my life
But I hold on
Please hold on

Please hold on, too

21:45

She said to me
You play the best guitar that I’ve ever seen

I could never believe you
I hold you so dear and near to my heart

That the loss of your
That the loss of your presence
That the loss of your

Let it go, let it go
Move beyond

Let it go, let it go
Pick beyond

In the end we find hope
Even when there’s none today
‘Cause we have this very moment

I move my fingers to make a chord
That connects with my soul
And we are one
And we are one
And we are one
And like I dreamed
And like I dreamed
And like I dreamed

We are one
We are one
We are one
We are one

24:40

So let it go
All your regrets and all your mistakes
Don’t let them hold you back
They make us stronger
Into who we can be
Into who we might be
Into our full possibilties

Into you
Into me

Into our full possibilities

25:30

I could keep practicing
I’ve gotten rusty in so many ways
In my love
In my love

Fading into the background

And in my own ways
I see you love me
Where I hold on you are strong
Where I can find you

Just being here with me tonight
We will find all our ways
Never to leave, something serene
We have all our ways

Whoa, whoa
Whoa
Whoa, we have all our ways
We have all our ways
We have all our ways

Published by song.land

song.land is made by jesse