today’s episode gets into life’s meaning and my brain while i reflect on the default mode network using stereo guitar effects pedals after reflecting on the brain and listening to the art of living by thich nhat hanh again.
one of the reasons i love and cherish what i create on song dot land is that while i record, all thought pauses while my fingers move and my brain sings out in real time, in the present moment, all without proper active thought. it is a flow state, a concentrated state in the task-positive network of the brain, and the best way i know how to spend 30 minutes.
the rambling, lost processing is especially clear in this episode when i begin purring like a cat. i did not expect to share a track with human purring on it.
(updated thought) i must become more confident that this is a pleasant experience for others. it is a very pleasant experience for me. i typed the transcript below tonight (2024-05-14). when and after i sing, i cannot recall what i said. i have no memory of it. if i wrote the transcript to this podcast as a poem, only a few lines would i change. it is a beautiful experience in the challenge before us to wrangle default mode. stay (task) positive. -jesse
i especially loved the way this episode builds and ends in the last five minutes. “i say yes / misery says no / i say yes.”
transcript
here i set intention
to live in all that you offer
life everlasting
in strength, i can set my goals and all
i’m already there
i look to the skies
i look
welcome to song land
here we get lost in flow states with default mode thinking turned off
what comes next?
we make it as we go
you never really know
i am your vision
you are my sight
we all feed one another
isn’t it bright?
you are my everything
you are my nothing
i am your everything
and i am gone
2:21
i used to be a kitty on the stoop
worried only at what’s happening right now
you would know it, too
oh, and i became the spring
you and i know
here we go
3:15
intro
3:41
now that i’ve identified it
i’m trying to grow in my meditative abilities
to say
i see you there
i shut you down
you will not take me down
i see you there
i shut you down
you will not take me down
i see you there
i shut you down
my brain will not take me down today
4:20
“it gets a little crazy, enjoy”
here we go again!
we sing together
we breathe together
the whole world knows
we go together
we’re all together
the whole world knows
there i am, and you
there we fell back through
i am all for you
i was starlight
all through the areas of the world
that burned like starlight falling down
there i was
and you were
standing on the beach
the ocean waves splashed behind you
all i saw was the moon
and all i saw was the moon
6:50
and all i saw was the moon
and all i saw was the moon 🌕
and all i saw was you
and all i saw was you
7:58
there i was and we burned down
there i was and we burned down
i was the one that the whole world would go and watch together
and i had all
and i had all
instrumental
10:00
i’d always had
fear deep down
but the bats don’t run away
and i still cry
and all is fair in war
and i still die
i
all
knew you
the way where
i had loved
there
i
flew
there
i
flew
12:30
i was pieces of diamonds
rolling on the gammon table
where i saw all my possibilities
fall to one
and there i knew
i could find you if i closed my eyes and mind
there you were!
when i most needed you!
oh my default mode
there you were!
when i feared rejection
there you were!
when i knew i’d done wrong
was it fair in the all that didn’t turn out the way i wanted it to?
who are my people?
default mode
get out of my head
default mode
get out of my head
14:30
i burned, waiting for clarity
i used to say i needed time to think about a problem
before i could respond
and i did, i did, i had to learn
to stop the thought
disconnected
i call for you
i fear all these thoughts
all the ways i lost
default mode
let me go
i’ll be lost
16:30
was today a mistake?
was today a mistake?
i’m falling
beyond myself
falling
where do i fit in
where do i succeed
and who am i?
what myers briggs do i face all challenges?
look back and think about and ruminate
maybe i can do it differently the next time i face that exact situation
default mode
get out of my head
i am lost with you
and i, my identity
is lost without you
19:40
across the world
you can go
we will fly as one
we are the same
you and me
oh, here we stand in infinity
i am
you are
we are
all of us
none of us
at the same time
you and i are the same thing
are the same thing
oh, and all that you think is lost!
are the same thing
are the one you want
are the same thing
i am yours
21:55
i was a starling then 🐦⬛
in the light and in the sky
i want to busk for animals
’cause we are one
i have in the past
i once—not once, grew up all my childhood years
playing guitar
especially i loved playing to the chickens
but, oh, bugs black nugget 🐎, you heard it
my rabbits 🐇 all heard it
and the miscellaneous animals 🫏🐠🐖🦎🐕🐈⬛ that stayed with us over the years, over the years
i sing a song
about life
why you should have things in the moment you’re in
oh life!
all my life
i said i wanted to be like a cat
not have a worry about anything
sans being starving hungry
now that i know it, i can be too
turning off default mode
turning on my vision for what is all around me
what is right now
what is strumming?
what breath are you on?
and what planet am i on?
and i come from all these ways
24:30
i don’t know better than you
but we will together
i am the stars just as much as they are me
i am the moon
but my consciousness is me right here
i’m singing into the microphone
i know i’m not a rock in the sky
but what’s the difference
in all the miles between us?
how do they compare to the miles between our universe?
and how does it compare to the space in every atom of the atp burning in me?
trillions and trillions of times every second
i’m upper management, man, i can’t control at that level
how amazing to be alive
i get to blink, have sex, and sing songs
the moon just gets to spin around our earth
but with a little creativity
we’re the same / we’re the same / we’re the same
27:15
we’re the same / we’re the same
28:00
i know a boy who knows how to kick
he knows the way we’d be if we had unlimited time
what would you do if all you knew is love?
what would you do if all you knew was love?
what would you do?
oh!
vocal beat-boxing with guitar accompaniment
jesse mentions his commitment to something that gets started, ending, “let’s see if we can get, i don’t know, somewhere good.” then begins purring in tone.
31:00 picks up to this awesome ending
i was running from the stars
running from the cuffs
running from every problem in my life
running from all the things that give me strife
32:00 begins the beautiful end
i always knew the end would come
i feared it would
when would my lord return
and take me home?
i need to get away
i’m so afraid of everything
when can we dance and stop being afraid?
yahweh says no
i say yes
i say yes
i say yes
misery says no
i say yes
i say yes
misery says no
i say yes
i say yes
misery says no
i say yes
i say yes
i say yes
misery says no
i say yes
i say yes
misery says no
misery says no
i say yes
i say yes
misery says no
misery says no
(repeats)
i say yes