recorded in the middle of the night on august 4th, i sang wired with a guitar and a disposable vape in my hands.
nicotine isn’t a big deal in the grand perspective of life (aside from how it will, you know, kill us early and keep me dependent on an addictive chemical), but it’s a compromise of my commitments. i expect integrity in the small things and the big things, so buying another disposable shows my weakness and my need for self-compassion.
what’s one way you can have compassion on yourself?
transcript
in the late of night i come to you to sing
a story, how i finally found my wings
we could all find a way to finally find happiness
oh what a ruse
oh what a ruse
i could finally sense the end
where we laid our heads down
pillows beside each other
oh we’ll not have that again
oh we’ll not have that again
my mind lies
tells me i’m scared
my mind lies
tells me life’s not fair
my mind lies
in all i seek
[it’s] not in my grasp at last
it’s not mine to grasp at last
i could vape for an hour
just to try to find my way
through instability and chaos
i don’t want that for my life again
like when i was young
when my all fell apart
and my all fell apart
oh my loss was some gain perhaps
now that i sit here singing songs to you
now that i sit here singing songs
3:50
driving up in my camry
i thought what grandmas say
oh drive safe
oh drive pure
i could defend myself
or slam on the gas with my foot
i would push so far the oceans would rise up in protest
singing songs of how they had it all
and i’d finally find where my emptiness comes from
when i don’t know myself
when i don’t know myself
i would fly
i could swim
wherewithal carries all
and my voice could echo across the colorado mountains
and i’d find mountains wanting more than i can provide
and i would see you from the other side
we could finally meet again
we could finally meet again
where i know the buffalo once roamed
and all was water
and all was water
oh, i need you every moment i’m awake
i hate you too
i promised my kids vapes would end
and still i take another draw
and still i take another draw
and oh how do i live without you
and oh where can i run when i don’t have you
when i don’t have you
when i don’t have you?
so catch up with your friends
give them a call
don’t make them wait
we’ll be back together soon
i depend on molecules
to feed my molecules
trillions of us are right here to play
oh, i’m a bag of flesh and bones
cords connecting every part of me
trillions of us work
trillions of us work so i can waste a saturday playing
waste a saturday playing in hyrule field
i’ll dance and sing and whip my sword
and oh how i miss you